Rachel (tie_me_up_now) wrote,

you intestinal sucking fool

so even though i have to admit my feelings to anyone and everyone, whether they are good or bad, i cant help but still feel weak when i admit the good feelings. or i should say the strong feelings. because im not quite sure if they are good or not. on my part, i think the feelings are wonderful. i have nothing but an amazing time when i am with him and never want to leave his side. this doesnt happen to me very often. but i guess not knowing is the hardest part. maybe thats why they call it a "crush". because it crushes you and tears you apart. but in my eyes it feels more than a crush to me. its more than just thinking he is cute and enjoying hanging out with him. its the feeling in my gut. the butterflies. all that good stuff. i know that he thinks he is going to hurt me, but thats the thing, you never know what is going to happen unless you try it. in anything you do. so you cant go into something thinking you are going to fuck it up because then you will never succeed. there are things that make me think he likes me, but i dont know if they are said in a stupor or if he means it. he has asked me to marry him, he has asked me to not leave, he has told me he would rather hang out with me then his good friends, he has told me he has never felt so comfortable laying with someone and cuddling, he has told me he loved me, he has been insecure thinking i was hanging out with another guy even though he should know i want no one but him, he has said so many things that have made me feel closer and closer to him. weve been hanging out for 3 or 4 months and i feel like i get closer and closer to him every time. it just sucks that i dont move back for another 2 months and a few weeks. because being here i am so busy and dont have too much time to talk. but when we are together, things are perfect. im thinking about this far too much and i realize this. i just wish i could see into the future to see what was meant to be. i want to be loved and i want it to be by him. for a long long time. my insecurities come out sometimes though. i wont get into my insecurities now, because i dont want to get upset before bed. i cant wait to come back up again this weekend. i will get to see my rachael, carinda, todd, bear, bubba, most important him, and a few others with my friend natasha from down here and her friend joel. it is going to be good times.
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