Rachel (tie_me_up_now) wrote,

touch me baby tainted love

ive prided myself in two things for most of my life. being an independent person and not being made to look like a dumb ass. and ive tried so hard to keep these two things part of who i am. liking you didnt make me any less independent, but it did make me weak. and that is a place i swore i would never go to again. it made me blind to some things that were right in front of my face, but i was too stupid to realize it. and i dont think you intentionally tried to make me look like a dumb ass, that was my mistake. i never gave a shit if you slept with someone else, all i asked was for the respect that if you did, then you would either use protection with them or me. i felt like such an idiot listening to stories about you and so and so and having to pretend like it didnt bother me. pretend like we were nothing more than friends. pretend like i wasnt fucking you at the same time so and so was. i should have realized all this when you wouldnt be seen in public with me, besides at a strip club. now that i think back, there are so many times i should have realized this. the one thing that hurts me more than anything in life, is being lied to by so called friends. thats what bothers me about this. not what you did or who you did. we arent in a relationship, so thats not my business. i care about what health i have left though and thought that you would too. im not mad or angry with you at all. i love you to death and wouldnt let something like this come between how close weve become over the past months. but please, i beg of you, try to be honest. above all, i am your friend and i think i deserve honesty.
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